When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
Randomize
