So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
A cop may or may not have seen my bare ass against the moonlight within the past hour
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
