Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
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