You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
