There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Bring me that man meat
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
Randomize
