Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize
