I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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