I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
We had sex on the playground and then walked around his neighborhood grading houses based on their Christmas decorations
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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