all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
