I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Randomize
