I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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