Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
