I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
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