i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
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