peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
