I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
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