just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
Randomize
