woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
