im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
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