Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
