the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Randomize
