You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Randomize
