david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
