You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
She posted on her FB that he moved out...It's like she wants me to fuck him.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
