That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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