proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
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