You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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