We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
