i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Randomize
