You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
