very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
