there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She's like the pied piper of lesbians.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Randomize
