There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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