i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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