Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
