I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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