On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
