Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i will never coherently bang her
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
