Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
but the lizard people decide everything anyway
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
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