I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
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