Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
