i think my tv is drunk
kristin has been a bad kristin
I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
You smell like stripper and shame
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
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