I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Who wears a wallet chain?!
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
