Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
