i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
