My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
shit pants at work. discarded underwear.
just showed this text to the guy at west elm. luckily we did not stool ourselves in the midst of the ensuing hilarity. so you're commando now?
yep! most awkward part is that i was a few feet away from a client, talking and looking him in the eye. i've never stooled while looking someone directly in the eye.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Randomize
