JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I feel like we have both made good decisions regarding our vaginas lately
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
