there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
just saw a sign in the bar that says "no more naked fridays". Where the fuck was I on these naked fridays?
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
