He asked to "fluff my boner.."
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
People have been asking me if I'm going to the reunion lately. It occurs to me that everyone wants me there to feel that much better about themselves.
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
