New invention idea: vibrating tampons
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
