This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
