im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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