I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
hes wearing the same tie today that i tied him up with last night.i wanna go home
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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